Facebook Posts We’d Like to See

Names and profile pics have been hidden to protect the imaginary.

“I was about to take a picture of my breakfast and post it when I stopped and realized, “‘Hey…no one gave a shit what I ate before Facebook…’.”

facebooklogo_610x426“Whoa, I think President Obama is way off on this one. I wish he had listened to the opposition and considered doing it another way. It’s a hard job, I know, and he’s as human as any of us. I mean, he’s not ruining the country or anything. WE are the country. But if he had only worked the opposing view into the deal he came up with…anyway, I’m going to drop him a note and let him know what I think; same with the Congresspeople who supported him. The ones in my state will have some explaining to do before they can get my vote again. Any of you agree?”

“Met with my kid’s teacher today. She’s trying her best, but Eddie is still struggling in math. Asked what we could do different. She seemed surprised and asked us to spend 20 minutes a night with Ed for awhile, just helping him to be patient with quadratic equations. Like this woman; she works hard. Would rather pay her more than see my taxes go for a new stadium.”

“I love to hunt, and I taught my daughter to shoot skeet and trap. We have a really good time, and she’s now a better shot than her old man! But jeez, this easy availability of guns to wackos who just want to kill and to insurrectionist groups run by idiots….y’know, a few more rules and regs, well written and enforced, wouldn’t make it too hard for me to get that new Beretta I’ve been eying, and all the shells I need.” [Editor’s note: I have seen versions of this one. Thanks to those who stood up.]

“Was watching Idol…turned it off; picked up a book instead. Who likes spy novels?”

“Thanks to Pres. Obama and Congress for changing that student loan thing and keeping the rates from going up. I know I don’t agree with everything he does, but good call on this one.”

“It’s gonna be 10 degrees tonight…who has old blankets? Lotta guys who sleep under the interstate would appreciate them. Meet at my house at 8.”

“There’s a lot I don’t understand about modern Islam, but I can’t believe everyone in the whole faith can be violent and radical.”

“Jeez, the president has a bad record with me the past few months. I’m really worried about Obamacare in particular. I know a lot of you feel the same…but if we’re gonna get anything done, can we leave off the names and all the crazy birther and Muslim accusations? C’mon. Fight fair.”

“Andy brought home the chemistry prize today! All that work, the internship at the lab last summer, the training, the memorizing…just a great day for him. We’re really proud; we were rooting all the way. Some of his classmates did well too; one is getting a partial scholarship to Stanford! Just great stuff. Oh, and it was good he could play baseball too — to let off some steam. But that chem prize…we always knew he had it in him! Well done my son!”

“OK, I’ll take the next hour. Anyone who’s hurting, PM me. Doesn’t matter if I know you or not.”♦

© 2013 Adam Barr

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One thought on “Facebook Posts We’d Like to See

  1. “The Browns still suck. 5-11, at best.”

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